Sooo.. Love. A topic that I’ve never written about yet, and was doubting if I should! I decided not to write anything about my personal love life, but do want to share some insights that I’ve gained over the past few years. A friend told me I should write about all the dates I had, well I won’t do that but I can share some insights I got as a result of my (mostly nice) dating experiences;). I’m not saying these insights are the key to success (definitely not, I’m no expert and love is complicated!), but they are just some things I’ve noticed and want to share with you and may help you for your dating life (with funny gifs yay!)
1. Know when to give it time and when not
I cannot scientifically support this, but I feel that guys can be completely into a girl and fall in love really fast, while most girls (me included) need some time to develop feelings for a guy. So… If you’re dating a guy for a while and you start to like him more and more, but you feel like the guy is not completely into you. He probably never will be, most guys are quite clear when they like a girl: they go for it! If its the other way around: A guy really likes you, but you’re still doubting a bit, give it some time! You may completely fall in love later on!
2. Be aware of the downside of online dating
Online dating sure helps you to get in contact with really nice people easily, which is of course really nice. However it is also making people more replaceable. If you’re having doubts about a person, why invest time in them to make it work, when you know there’s a new person waiting for you at the next swipe! It makes it easier to back out, when a person get’s too close or when you feel like someone is not the perfect match for you. You also often don’t have common friends or activities with a person you meet online, which makes it easier to let go of someone as well.
3. Focus on 1 person at a time
Also a consequence of online dating is that people tend to be in touch with more people at the same time. It’s of course nice to get much attention, but the down side is that its harder to figure out if one of those people is a match for you! You have the risk to stay at a superficial level with all those people, and never really get to know one of them to a deeper level (which is of course necessary if you want a relationship). Therefore, decide quickly which person you want to pay your attention to and put time and effort in. Fully focus on that person and see if it works out and don’t keep other people as a back-up plan. If it doesn’t work out (at least you tried your best) then you will find someone else later on again:)
4. Try to spend a lot of time together
If you’re into a certain person, spend a lot of time together. Of course you don’t want to scare them off, so bring it subtle. But in order to really find out if it works out with a person you need to get to know them, and you can only get to know them if you have quite intensive contact with them. It really doesn’t go anywhere if you only see each other twice a month. Try to stay in touch in between dates to be able to step in someone’s life. And open yourself up to let someone else in :)
5. Find a happy middle with texting
Texting via for instance Whatsapp is a very nice medium to stay in touch with a person you fancy. However, it often also causes a lot of friction: Why isn’t he texting me back? What does this smilie mean? When should I ask for another date? It’s so easy to draw wrong or premature conclusions from texting because you can’t read each others face and body language. Everyone prefers to text in a different way, if you have the same style, it can go very well. But if you feel that it doesn’t match, talk to each other about it. Find out what the other person likes, both make amends and try to find a happy middle!
6. Don’t overthink things
Sometimes your head can get in the way of your feelings, I personally am really good at convincing myself that I shouldn’t continue certain dates. Even if it was really nice, I sometimes see problems too fast (in nothing). Fortunately, I can say I don’t do that so much anymore!! ;) Overthinking can screw it all up, you need to let it go and just see where things go. Nobody will ever be a perfect match, so don’t focus on the details that don’t match but look at the bigger picture! And don’t think to far ahead, you cannot predict the future so you will never know if it works out in the end. Bus of course you shouldn’t just go and date anyone, you should have similar values in life and think alike about important subjects (and don’t forget the chemical attraction though! ;))
So I these are some things that sometimes need to remind myself about as well, I’m curious what you think of the points I mention! Do you agree with them? Should I write about love more often? Or does writing this indicate that I’m overthinking it all?;)