The Paradox of Good Conversations: Showing Interest vs. Being Interesting

Hi there! Today I’d like to talk about what it means to have good conversations: with strangers, with friends or family or even with dates. As I described in one of my first blogs, I see myself as a so-called “Ambivert”. I’m not extraverted, but not introverted either: it largely depends on the situation. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what this means for conversing with people, getting to know them and letting them to get to know me. In my previous blog, I mentioned that it’s sometimes hard for me to be really out there, to try and have good talks with people. When I’m around people that don’t really know me well yet, I’m constantly concerned about how they perceive my silence (when I don’t talk) and social skills (when I do talk). I know I shouldn’t focus on it so much, as people don’t focus on ME that much! Everyone is paying more attention to themselves than that they are to you, so I shouldn’t be so worried. It’s not that I’m that insecure, or want everyone to like me, but in general, I feel like I’m now over-compensating  on showing interest, which makes me less interesting for other people. You might think now whaaaat that’s silly, of course that’s not true! And probably it isn’t, but it’s something I’ve just thought about quite a bit over the last few months. This is the paradox I’m referring to: showing interest and being interesting don’t go so well together quite often! I’ll illustrate some situations to explain it  all better :) Continue reading

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Introvert + Extravert = Ambivert!

Today I’m writing about something that has been bothering me lately. People labelling eachother with the terms ‘introvert’ or ‘extravert’. A personality theory introduced by Sigmund Freud and further popularized by Carl Jung. The general feeling that I feel is connected in society to those terms is that introverted people are of less value, that they should feel bad about not being a social bubbly extraverted person. NOT TRUE! First of all, we should see this theory as a spectrum, not as lables. Some people are just more people-focussed than others, that isn’t a bad thing. People who lean more towards introversion don’t need fixing (what extraverted people might think) and not always wanting to talk to people all the time doesn’t mean they’re less happy in life!

introverted problems

Personally, I thought I was more an introverted person than extraverted person, but I hate being labelled as one… Continue reading